I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize