He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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