There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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