no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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