Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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