I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
