I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
