Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
