What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
