And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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