you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
