i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
