I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
