The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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