I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
