why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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