Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I fill condoms, not promises.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
