yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
