just come out here and I will go home with you...
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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