when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
