I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
