Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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