It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
