On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
