He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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