Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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