Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
