so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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