Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
