i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Who died my cat blue again?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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