I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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