My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Randomize
