i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
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