yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
