KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
