Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
