We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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