4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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