he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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