he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
