Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Randomize
