You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
