We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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