I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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