4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
