do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
