So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I intend to get homeless drunk
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
