im gay
i know
yea but for you.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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