Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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