No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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