We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
