Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
