Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
