Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
