i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
