Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
