he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
