dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
They have beer where we have blood.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
