omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
