We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
MIDGETS
????
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
