She is in my trunk
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Randomize
