plz talk dirty to me
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
