I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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