there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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