Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
