I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
