I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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