I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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