We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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